Absolute Ridiculousness- with LPGD and Jayfeather
by FlamingWingsofIcarus
Summary: Jayfeather and I are writing a fanfic, with Jayfeather being in it! After the previous odd fanfics he's been in, he's not too happy about this one. The events in coming chapters will be decided by you, the readers. So read, review, and we'll see what random, silly, freaky, and just plain weird events are up next for Jayfeather and the clans. Crack-fic. EDIT: I'm ashamed of this.
1. Trolled U!

**LPGD: Hi all. This is my first fanfic, and I just wanna point out that I own neither the Warrior series or any character in it, and that that is all intellectual property of Erin Hunter, blah blah blah. (To cat next to me) Hey Jayfeather, will that statement stand up in court?**

**Jayfeather: What makes you think I know? I'm a medicine cat, not a twoleg lawyer!**

**LPGD: Anyway, I decided that Nightclawthebrave had a great idea in her fanfic "The Twelve Days of Warrior Christmas," with the whole cat assistant thing. I was ROFL the whole time.**

**Jayfeather: I hated it. Sadistic author. And you suck at grammar, LPGD. Why are you using texting abbreviations?**

**LPGD: Moving on. I figured that Jayfeather should be helping out here, because he did such a good job with Nightclaw. By the way, Nightclaw, that was Jayfeather's opinion of you, not mine. Don't blame me just becaue he's grumpy.**

**Jayfeather: I am not grumpy! Besides, Nightclaw drowned me in mouse bile! And made me work with Breezepelt!**

**LPGD: (Ignores Jayfeather) Jayfeather will be spending a lot of time here, with me.**

**Jayfeather: So I don't have to be in this story?**

**LPGD: I didn't say that. I think it will be enjoyable...**

**Jayfeather: Ahhh, now that's more like it. No more mouse bile. Just a nice warm rock and a juicy mouse and a...**

**LPGD: For the readers.**

**Jayfeather: What?! Why, LPGD, why?**

**LPGD: Because I feel inspired.**

**Jayfeather: Last time you felt "inspired," you wrote a book where the whole world blew up!**

**LPGD: No nukes this time, I promise. *(crosses fingers behind back)***

**Jayfeather: Good.**

**LPGD: (Says under breath) Unless the readers want some nukes...**

**Jayfeather: What?**

**LPGD: Nothing. Nothing at all.**

**LPGD: Welcome to the my first fanfic, Absolutely Ridiculous! Please comment...**

**Jayfeather: Really? Please comment? Pathetic.**

**LPGD: Watch your mouth or else I'll put you in a nasty situation, when I think of one. I AM the author, after all.**

**Jayfeather: At least the you won't take their suggestions seriously, right?**

**LPGD: (to readers) Anyway, comment, and I'll try and put your ideas into this fanfic. Yes, I'm taking them seriously.**

**Jayfeather: Please cruel readers, not again. Hasn't one cat suffered enough?**

**LPGD: Not unless the readers say so. And I doubt that's gonna happen.**

**Jayfeather: But I've been locked in the cargo hold of a plane, dunked in mouse bile, made to work with Breezepelt and Crowfeather, and turned into a twoleg and beat up! In four different fanfics!**

**LPGD: Maybe if you weren't so grumpy all the time...**

**Jayfeather: I am not grumpy!**

**LPGD: Yes you are.**

**Jayfeather: Am not!**

**LPGD: Is too!**

**Jayfeather: Am not!**

**LPGD: Is... you know what, I don't have to deal with this. (picks up pen)**

**Jayfeather: What are you doing? AHHH! I'M DISAPPEARING!**

Jayfeather looked around, and saw nothing but the stars. (Yes, he can see. I'm the author, alright? Author's liberties and all that wonderful stuff. Get used to it). What's going on? Suddenly, he heard a far off noise drawing closer.

"Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan" A giant flying cat made of toasted pastries appears over the horizon. Is that cat... nah it couldn't be. The cat saw Jayfeather, and flew towards him, rainbows streaming from it's... rear end.  
"Great Starclan! What is that thing!" The giant nyan cat body slammed him, and he fell to the earth.

When Jayfeather woke up, there was an extremely ugly twoleg looking over him. The twoleg grinned and said,  
"Trollollollollollollollollol lollollollollollollollolloll ollollollollollo."  
"SHUT UP!" Jayfeather yowled.  
"You mad bro? You mad? You mad?" Before Jayfeather could claw the troll's face off, the troll disappeared. Hearing a noise behind him, Jayfeather turned around.  
A large plastic man with a label reading "Buzz Lightyear" on him came up to him, put an arm around Jayfeather's shoulders and waved around.  
"Memes. Memes everywhere..." He warned.  
"Get off of me!" Jayfeather was fed up with these creepy creatures. Suddenly, long black claw touched him on the shoulder, and Buzz Lightyear was gone.

Slowly looking behind him, Jayfeather shrieked as tall faceless man in a black suit and spider- like arms picked him up. Grinning, the tall, slender, man opened his mouth and dropped Jayfeather in. Jayfeather screamed, but that didn't help. He was still screaming when Slenderman swallowed.

**LPGD: And we're back from that little adventure into the world of memes.**

**Jayfeather: You sadist! You're even worse than Nightclaw!**

**LPGD: You're not in print anymore Jayfeather. Welcome to the all knowing Internet.**

**Jayfeather: That was horrible! Why did you make him EAT me?**

**LPGD: Slenderman might eat people. Author's liberties. You were warned about those.**

**Jayfeather: At least he didn't chew.**

**LPGD: I'm not that mean. Now, I can't say that much for the readers...**

**Jayfeather: Please readers, don't be like LPGD and Nightclaw! I'm begging you!**

**LPGD: Please read, review, and suggest. And no, I don't hate Jayfeather.**

**Jayfeather: Coulda fooled me.**

**LPGD: Who would you rather be here, Firestar? The fans would massacre me!**

**Jayfeather: I hope they do.**

**LPGD: And THAT's why Slenderman ate you.**

**Jayfeather: Please please please give some nice suggestions! Pleeeease!**

**LPGD: Don't count on it, Jayfeather.**

_Anyway, please read, review, and suggest. Anybody got some ideas for totally random, insane, and ridiculous and just plain weird ideas for things to happen to the clans? And it doesn't have to be just Jayfeather either. You can suggest weird things for any cat. (gets sucked into video games, alternate realities, becomes your sibling's pet for a day, (shudders). Please suggest, I'll add a chapter when I can. Thanks._

_-LPGD_


	2. High on cookies

**LPGD: Hi everyone, this is the second chapter to my little fanfic here, and I've received a few interesting suggestions. Interesting meaning many things. Anywho, this is based off a few suggestions I received.**

**Jayfeather: Please, no more suggestions. I'm begging you!**

**LPGD: Now Jayfeather, say the disclaimer.**

**Jayfeather: No.**

**LPGD: Say it or I'll troll you again. And this time, it will be an even more hard- core troll.**

**Jayfeather: Okay, okay, fine. LPGD does not own any memes, youtube videos, cultural icons, or commercial products referenced here, nor does he own the Warrior series, characters in the Warriors series, or me, thank Starclan.**

**LPGD: What was that last part again?**

**Jayfeather: Erm... nothing.**

**LPGD: So in this story, the clans have a misshape with the catmint.**

**Jayfeather: What do you mean by "Misshape"?**

**LPGD: Nothing.**

**Jayfeather: Tell me.**

**LPGD: You'll find out. Now get going. *(picks up pen)***

**Jayfeather: I hate you.**

**LPGD: I know. *(grins mischievously)***

**Jayfeather: Wait! At least tell me what's going to happen!**

**LPGD: Now what would be the fun in that?**

***(Jayfeather disappears)***

Jayfeather opened his eyes, and looked around the medicine den. Something was off. Ahah! Where was all the catmint?

Jayfeather ran outside, but as soon as he got there, he noticed a giant plate of white chocolate macadamia cookies sitting where the freshkill pile should be.  
"Where is my catmint?" He asked.  
"COOKIES... EAT TEH COOKIES NOWWWWWWWWWWW!" Graystripe screamed. "COO-KIES! COO-KIES! COO-KIES! COO-KIES!" The rest of the clan chanted their approval of Teh Cookies.

"To the gathering!" Firestar yelled. _They're going to the gathering in THIS state? They're so high they'd give away all our territory for a dog biscuit!_ Then, Jayfeather thought; _Really LPGD? This is totally unnecessary._  
**  
LPGD: Quick interruption to point out that this IS actually necessary. The readers suggested it. So deal with it, Jayfeather.**

**Jayfeather: But I don't wanna deal with it!**

**LPGD: Too bad.**

At the gathering, the scene was chaotic. More than usual, I mean.  
"Choco chip!"  
"Peanut butter!"  
"White choco macadamia!"

"Choco chip!"

"Peanut butter!"

"White choco macadamia!"

"Choco chip!"

"Peanut butter!"

"White choco macadamia!"

Blackstar, Firestar, and Onestar were arguing over which kind of cookies were better. Apparently they were high too.  
"What happened?" Asked Jayfeather.  
"All the clans turned their catmint supply into cookies! Now they're so high they make an insane mouse look reasonable!" Mothwing cried.

Suddenly, Mistystar yelled out.  
"OATMEAL RAISIN!" A stunned silence fell over the clans, and all three leaders turned to Riverclan.  
"Down with Oatmeal Raisin!" Onestar cried, and all three clans attacked.  
"Eat Teh white choco macadamia!" Graystripe yelled as he crammed cookies into Minnowtail's mouth. Suddenly, all the cats were cramming cookies into each other's mouths, trying to make them eat cookies from other clans. Chaos ensued.  
"OM NOM NOM NOM!" Firestar dived into the Shadowclan cookie pile, and ate all the cookies. Shadowclan was mad.

A giant hand reached down.  
"Not again!" Jayfeather screeched as Slenderman ate him.  
**  
LPGD: Being eaten by Slenderman is not a pleasant experience, or so Jayfeather tells me.**

**Jayfeather: *(shudders)* It makes being dunked in mouse bile look like an afternoon at Sunningrocks...**

**LPGD: Not that I'll ever know. *(Smirks at Jayfeather)***

**Jayfeather: *(grins evilly)***

**LPGD: *(Smile disappears)* What?**

**Jayfeather: Slenderman.**

**LPGD: (Gulp). He's right behind me, isn't he.**

**Jayfeather: Yup.**

**LPGD: *(turns slowly around)* OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH... *(Grabs pen)***

**Slenderman: The snack that smiles back! HU-MANS! (Cheesy, I know. Deal with it :) )**

**LPGD: *(Rewrites this part. Never gets eaten.)* I'm the author, okay? I gotta have my dignity!**

**Slenderman: *(Picks up Jayfeather)***

**Jayfeather: I HATE YOU LPGD!**

**Slenderman: *(Swallows Jayfeather)***

**LPGD: I think we've already established that you hate me. Back to the story...**

While the the clans were being eaten, Slenderman's mortal enemy, Psy, showed up. (Look up Slenderman vs Psy game, awesomely addicting game.)

"OPUM GANGNAM STYLE!" Psy shouted while doing his pony- riding- hands thing. Psy ran through the woods, with a very angry Slenderman following close behind. Suddenly, Psy turned around and pony- hand- thinged Slenderman TO THE FACE! While yelling, "PWNED, NOOB!" Slenderman couldn't take the awesomeness of Gangnam Style and exploded, sending very peeved, and very high, cats flying across the clearing.

While this was happening, all the ponies from My Little Pony showed up. But these ponies weren't cute and cuddly and nice. Instead, they arrived in their Battlestar Galactica canon ships. (On Battlestar Galactica Online forums, there is actually a series of comics of My Little Ponies engaging in interstellar warfare. It's epic.)

The red pony landed her War Raider, and jumped out and ninja kicked Firestar.  
**  
Jayfeather: MMFF MPPPF MMMPFF MMFF MFFF MFFFFPPFFF! (Translation- I thought you said the readers would murder you if you killed Firestar!)**

**Slenderman: Shut up and digest.**

**LPGD: Oh! Right. Good point Jayfeather. And Slenderman, I kinda need him back now. *(punches Slenderman in stomach- Slenderman pukes out a very disgusted Jayfeather and disappears)***

**Jayfeather: *(retching sounds are heard in background)***

Firestar was saved by flying into Nyan Cat, who crumbled to pieces from the impact.  
"Yay! Pop Tarts!" All the apprentices cannibalize Nyan Cat. A Viper fighter dive bombed Psy, but Psy pony- ride- handed the bullets back to the Viper, which exploded in a giant fireball raining gummy bears.

**Lionblaze: I love gummy bears!**

**LPGD: What are you doing here?! Get back to the story!**

But suddenly, the massive Battlestar Galactica itself showed up, and Psy flipped out. "OPUM GANGNAM STYLE! OPUM GANGNAM STYLE! OPUM GANGNAM STYLE!" He yelled as he chased the fleeing battlestar. Psy started flying, because Gangnam Style is just that awesome, and both the Galactica and Psy flew away.  
**  
Jayfeather: That makes no sense, mousebrain! Stupid author...**

**Lionblaze: But I love Gangnam Style!**

**Jayfeather: Songs don't make you fly!**

**LPGD: Nobody gives a flying fox dung whether you think Psy can fly, okay?**

**Jayfeather: Fox dung doesn't fly either.**

**LPGD: *(Sighs)* I KNOW. It's just a expression. Now shut up so I can write!**

While the ponies chased Psy, Forever Alone showed up. (If you don't know who that is, Google him.) He then proceeded to do his ugly thing, which was a problem.  
"AHHH! MY EYES!" Dovewing cried. "IT'S SO UGLY!"

"Quickly Will! Kill that wargle!" Halt yelled. Will pulled an arrow out of his quiver and let it fly, blowing up Forever Alone. Then, Tug, Will's horse, reared up and started trampling the pony who was trying to get back to her War Raider. Then Will and Halt rode away to fight more wargles.

Suddenly, Firestar discovered his hidden urge to BLOW STUFF UP! He ran at the giant pile of cookies in the middle of the clearing, and killed a creeper along the way. Crafting TNT while running (that takes serious skillz), he blew up the catmint cookie pile.

"NO! YOU'LL LIGHT THE CATMINT ON FIRE!" Jayfeather yelled. The cookies exploded and burned, smoking the catmint.

"Smells so gooooood..." Sandstorm mewed.  
"Yummmmm," Ivytail said.  
"IDIOTS!" Jayfeather screamed, but the smoke reached him too.

**LPGD: And that is how the four clans got high. Catmint= weed of the clans.**  
**  
Jayfeather: MMMMM... cookies...**

**LPGD: Unfortunately, Jayfeather still hasn't recovered from the effects of the catmint. He's the only one who hasn't yet; I don't know why.**

**Lionblaze: GUMMY BEARS! OM NOM NOM NOM! *(Eats Blackstar's teddy bear)***

**LPGD: Okay, I lied. Lionblaze is still high too. On the up side, Jayfeather is so high he'll agree with anything I say. *(smiles)***

**Jayfeather: Wanna... cookie...**

**LPGD: Jayfeather, you like that stick of yours, don't you?**

**Jayfeather: Stickie is my friend! Cookies!**

**LPGD: You want everybody to know that stickie is your friend, don't you?**

**Jayfeather: Cookies...**

**LPGD: I'll take that as a yes. Why don't you tell everyone how much you like that stick?**

**Jayfeather: Cookies! I LUV STICKIE SOOOO MUCH! COOKIES!**

**LPGD: But stickie is dead. You broke it.**

**Jayfeather: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *(bawls in corner)***

**LPGD: Yes! *(holds up video camera and hits "stop recording" button)***

**Lionblaze: GUMMY BEAR COOKIES!**

**LPGD: Yeah, that's great Lionblaze. Anyway, please read, review, and suggest. Also, I don't think Jayfeather and Lionblaze will recover until Chapter Four, so is there anyone you want to temporarily take Jayfeather's place while he's in rehab? Thanks for reading!**

_Yeah, so Jayfeather is too high to be of any help right now, and the vet says he won't recover for another chapter. So please send in reviews, suggestions for events to happen next chapter, and who should sub in for Jayfeather while he's on "medical leave"._

_Thanks! By the way, sorry I can't youtube that video of Jayfeather: the tape recorder is incompatible with my laptop. (or this is just a fanfic, take your pick). And due to real life things, (unreliable internet access) I can only post a new chapter every few days. But keep those reviews and suggestions coming!_

_-LPGD_


	3. High (still)

**LPGD: Hi everyone! Sorry about the writer's block- working on 4 fanfics at a time can really wear your brain out. **

**Jayfeather: 4... COOKIES! ME WANT TEH COOKIES!**

**LPGD: And... Jayfeather is still high. Fortunatly. *grins*. So I'm going to use that "wood" you all sent me, and this chapter will take the place of the one about being on hiatus, though I don't know how often I can update. So, without furthur ado...**

**Lionblaze: COOKIES!**

**LPGD: No. You already ate my entire box of cookies. And my friend's birthday cake. And my pizza. It was cheesy stuffed crust, too! Not to mention that dude down the street's vodka! **

**Lionblaze: Yummy... yummy in my tummy... *giggles childishly***

**LPGD: Whatever. Since these two high drunkards are waaaaaay too wasted to read the disclaimer, I'll have to do it myself. *sighs* "I do not own the Warriors series or anything affiliated with it; nor do I own any copyrighted material that appears or is mentioned in this book. All credit goes to the respective owners."**

**Jayfeather: You sound... hic!... stoopid! **

**LPGD: Shut it, Mr. Soberity. I can't wait to see the look on your face when I show you that video about the Stick. Just as soon as you're sober...**

**Lionblaze: Hic!... LP... G... D... what happens when... hic!... I... microwave... hic!.. your firecrackers? Hic! **

***EXPLOSIONS IN BACKGROUND***

**LPGD: YOU FRICKIN' IDIOT! *runs to kitchen, dumps water on microwave.* **

**You little... **

***Microwave short- circuits and blows up* **

**I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! *takes deep breath* Okay readers, this is how this is going to work. I'm going back to my desk to write, and pretend this didn't happen. In the mean time, Jayfeather and Lionblaze will be in my writing, and I'll make them miserable until they sober up. Is that fine by everyone? Good. *Goes back to desk***

Jayfeather had a dream. He was at the Moonpool, with the other medicine cats. Yellowfang was trying to tell him something, but he was too busy beating at a leaf.

"Beware the video of the truth. To save the clans, three must... Jayfeather, are you even listening to me?"

"Leafy! Will you come with me to meet Sticky?" Jayfeather asked the leaf.

"This is an important prophecy from Starclan! Listen to me!" Yellowfang hissed.

Jayfeather looked up. "Yellowfang, marry me!"

Yellowfang replied, "WHAT! YOU. ARE. A. FREAKIN'. MEDICINE. CAT!" Jayfeather tried to make out with her. "Wha... you've been drinking. I can smell it on your breath." She accused. "How much have you had?"

"Only a few." Jayfeather replied. "12 shots isn't that much. Besides, Lionblaze watered it down with some whiskey." He giggled. "It went great with the catmint cookies."

"You disgust me. Get out!" Yellowfang hissed, before clawing him until he woke up. Jayfeather decided that he would ask Lionblaze for some more cookies. He still had a few scraps of catmint left. As he ran, he fell into a hole.

"You are destined to be the next Nyan Cat, the Lord Kitty of the Pop Tarts," a voice announced. Suddenly, Jayfeather turned into a giant Nyan Cat. He felt weird. Without warning, he started spewing rainbows, and not from his mouth.

"Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nayn nyan nyan nyan nyan..." He flew down to the Thunderclan camp, where Firestar was eating a mouse. "Dance with me!" The Nyan- Jayfeather demanded. Firestar drooled. Without warning, he lept, and started eating Jayfeather's feet.

"Yummy... OM NOM NOM NOM NOM" He yowled. Jayfeather shook him off, and flew over the twoleg place, where the twolegs were in their small upturned leafs fishing, or napping in the sun. He started shooting rainbows out of his eyes, and one hit a young boy, who turned into a Pop Tart.

"I WILL EAT YOU ALL!" Jayfeather screamed while blasting the poor twolegs. Then... it started to rain. Jayfeather started screeching. "I'm MELTIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGG!" Then, Dorthy and Todo appeared out of nowhere, stole his red ruby high heels, and were sucked up in a tornado.

Jayfeather flew into a odd structure, and hid. It seemed awfully warm, though. IT WAS A GIANT TOASTER! Jayfeather burst into flames, and flew towards Thunderclan territory, lighting all of Shadowclan territory on fire. Then, he crash landed in the elder's den, and they chased him to his herb storage in the medicine den.

"You suck at this job! You're fired!" The same voice who turned Jayfeather into a Pop Tart transformed him into a cat again. The rest of the clan lost interest, and _Jayfeather discovered that being turned into a giant flaming Nyan cat had made him sober again._ He was very... no, extremely, angry. The end.

**Jayfeather: I. Will. Tear. You. Limb. From. Limb.**

**LPGD: Lighten up, Jayfeather. I coulda made it way worse, but I didn't wanna go over the T rating.**

**Jayfeather: You wouldn't dare.**

**LPGD: Try me. *writes story that will never be published. Ever.***

**Jayfeather: (three hours later) WHY DID YOU DO THAT! *shreds story to itty bitty pieces.* You didn't have to make it that embarressing! And painful!**

**LPGD: You dared me to. **

**Jayfeather: Go die in a hole. Please, and do all of us a massive favor.**

**LPGD: No. You'll just have to put up with me for a while. And from the reviews I've been getting, it looks like they aren't done with you yet- not by a long shot.**

**Jayfeather: Please readers, I'm begging you! **

**LPGD: You ain't seen nothing yet, Jayfeather. **

_Sorry about taking a while to update, I'm working on 4... no wait, it's actually 5 fanfics at once right now. This story is mainly me throwing together everyone's "wood" in a way to provide maximum entertainment. You are the suppliers, and I am the carpenter. You know, I really like this metaphore. I don't know how often I'll be able to update, it may take a while for any new updates, but I really don't know._

_So anyway, thanks to the reviews I've gotten, I have some ideas for two more chapters right now. After that, this may go on hiatus again, but I honestly don't know until I get there. Big sorry to those of you who wanted Jayfeather to fall in love; I can't really do romance very well, much less humorous romance. If I did, this would become something so painful to read I wouldn't even make JAYFEATHER read it, that's how bad it would be._

_You all know the drill- Read, review, and keep those suggestions coming. Thanks, and enjoy this wood house of humor._

_-LPGD_


	4. Mutiny

**LPGD: Hi everyone! Now, I'm going to put this in all caps because that's how important it is. GO BACK AND READ CHAPTER 3. I REPLACED THE "ON HIATUS" NOTICE WITH THE ACTUAL CHAPTER. YOU NEED TO READ IT. NOW. BEFORE YOU GO ANY FURTHUR ON THIS CHAPTER, READ THE NEW CHAPTER 3.**

**Jayfeather: Don't read it, please! It's so embarrassing! Don't read it!**

**LPGD: Have you read chapter 3 yet? Good.**

**Jayfeather: *moans* Why did you read it? I told you it was embarrasing!**

**LPGD: Why do you think they read it? Now, I'm going to go work on another story I've been working on, a Percy Jackson and Soul Eater crossover. Now go do whatever you do with your free time. Your welcome. *sits down at desk***

**Jayfeather: *to readers, quietly* Okay, here's the deal. I stole one of LPGD's writing pens last week, so I can write stuff into existance too.**

**LPGD: And don't forget the disclaimer!**

**Jayfeather: *freezes nervously***

**LPGD: * doesn't notice Jayfeather has pen***

**Jayfeather: LPGD doesn't own any copyrighted material mentioned in this book, including the Warriors series.**

**LPGD: *writes some more***

**Jayfeather: *sighs in relief* Revenge is going to be so sweet *chuckles evilly* Now, for some help. * writes Lionblaze and Hollyleaf into existance***

**Lionblaze: Oh. Hi Jayfeather. What's up?**

**Jayfeather: You remember the last two chapters, right?**

**Hollyleaf : No.**

**Jayfeather: Duh Hollyleaf, you weren't there.**

**Lionblaze: Yeah, I remember.**

**Jayfeather: So LPGD over there was the one who did it to us. I've got his pen, so we can fight back.**

**Hollyleaf: But that's against the Warrior Code!**

**Jayfeather: Where in Starclan does it say anything about not attacking sadistic authors?**

**Hollyleaf: I don't know, but it does! I think so, anyway...**

**Lionblaze: Shut up so we can deal with him!**

**Hollyleaf: It's probably against the Warrior Code! I'm going to warn him!**

**Jayfeather: SHUT UP! *writes Hollyleaf out of existence and back into the books***

**Lionblaze: Why did you think bringing Hollyleaf into this would be a good idea in the first place?**

**Jayfeather: No clue. I'll bring in Dovewing. *writes Dovewing into existence***

**Dovewing: Wow, what did you two do to piss off Hollyleaf? She acts like Cloudtail set off cherry bombs at the gathering again!**

**Lionblaze: How is Cloudtail and his pyromania by the way?**

**Dovewing: He's doing great. He blew up down Jayfeather's medicine den, but else everthing that matters is intact. Somewhat. Kinda.**

**Jayfeather: WHAT!? I'll kill that cat...**

**Lionblaze: But Firestar told you to stop spiking the fresh kill pile with deathberries!**

**Jayfeather: It was only that one time, when I was grumpy!**

**Lionblaze and Dovewing: You're ALWAYS grumpy!**

**Jayfeather: Never mind. Back to ambushing LPGD.**

**Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Dovewing: *Huddle together and plot. Dovewing's got a nast evil laugh, even eviller than Jayfeather's. And that's saying something***

**One hour later...**

**LPGD: *closes laptop lid* I think that's enough for today. *Leans back***

**Jayfeather: NOW!**

**LPGD: What the... MMMMPPFFF! MMPF MMFF MMPPFFF!**

**Lionblaze: *ties LPGD's hands***

**Dovewing: *gags LPGD***

**Jayfeather: YES! We got you! We got you! We got you! *Does victory dance that looks like a spastic squirrel***

**Lionblaze: Great. Now what?**

**Jayfeather: Now we tease him! Het LPGD, what does your name stand for, Leafpool Gargles Dung? (L for Leaf, P for pool, you get the idea)**

**Dovewing: Ooh! Ooh! I've got one! How 'bout "Licks pig guts, Derp"**

**Lionblaze: Nah. I bet it's... it's... okay, I'm blank.**

**Jayfeather: Whatever, let's see what he has on his computer.**

**Dovewing: *Opens laptop lid and types with claws* Dang, it needs a password.**

**Jayfeather: LPGD... no, that's not it. Fanfiction... no. Warriors... no. This is mine... nope.**

**Dovewing: Why didn't you just attack LPGD directly if you had the pen?**

**Jayfeather: Because his laptop is far more powerful than his pens or pencils. With this, I can publish whatever I want! Mwuahahahahahahahaha!**

**LPGD: *Stands up* By the way, my penname stands for "Linkin Park" and "Green Day", not "Leafpool gargles dung". Although I can make YOU do that if the readers want me to.**

**Jayfeather: *gasps* How did you get free?**

**LPGD: *Holds up a pair of scissors* With these. I keep them in my pocket. And here's a tip- give someone a pat down before leaving them alone if your gonna kidnap them.**

**Dovewing: Why in Starclan's name do you keep scissors in your pockets?**

**LPGD: The better question is, "Why in Starclan's name is Lionblaze making out to the picture of my friend's poodle"?**

**Lionblaze: Errmmm... that's a dog? I thought it was just a cat.**

**Jayfeather: You idiot! That looks nothing like a cat, you cross- species lover!**

**LPGD: *looks bored* Yeah, great. Now I'm going to lock you all in this office and let you read the suggestions from the readers. Don't bother trying, you can't get out of here without the key. *Holds up key on keychain around neck, prints off emails* Have a good time you three.**

**Jayfeather: What do we do with these? *points to emails***

**LPGD: Read 'em and weep. That's what's gonna happen next chapter. *to readers* Adios, and until next time! *Closes and locks office door behind himself***

**Dovewing: *reads suggestions* Oh great Starclan no... How can the readers be so cruel?**

**Lionblaze: *reads suggestions and cowers under chair***

**Jayfeather: *Reads suggestions and starts to shake* No, no, no! Please! Wasn't Slenderman enough! *moans in terror***

_Sorry I haven't been able to work on this for a while. Thanks again for all the "wood" you all sent me. By the way... IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE NEW CHAPTER 3, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Okay, so please read, review, and suggest. Anyone know what could make those three so scared? If you read the reviews, there's a couple suggestions I haven't used yet. Can you guess which one will be in chapter 5? Anyway, until next chapter, this is goodbye._

_- LPGD_


	5. Warning- this is messed up

**LPGD: Welcome back, readers! Today I'm punishing some mutineers. To quote Jayfeather over here. "Revenge is going to be so sweet." You see, I really don't like being bound and gagged and tossed in the corner.**

**Jayfeather: Please readers, save me!**

**LPGD: Raise your hand if you like it when you are writing a fanfic, and suddenly the characters hold you hostage? *All readers' hands stay down* That's what I thought.**

**Jayfeather: Psychopathic freak!**

**LPGD: Yeah yeah yeah, coming from the cat who poisons clan members who piss him off, that doesn't mean much.**

**Jayfeather: They deserved it.**

**LPGD: What did they do to deserve to die, steal a cookie? *says sarcastically***

**Jayfeather: Yes.**

**LPGD: *Sighs* Disclaimer time.**

**Jayfeather: No.**

**LPGD: I SAID, disclaimer time!**

**Jayfeather: Nope. Not gonna happen, sadist.**

**LPGD: Just for that, I'm gonna add a new chapter. Part two of this one, if you will.**

**Jayfeather: WHAT!?**

**LPGD: Whatever. Disclaimer- I own nothing except for this particular fanfic. Now, story time. *Grins***

**Jayfeather: SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**

Jayfeather was in the woods, near the stream. Suddenly, he turned into a mouse. A nice, plump, juicy mouse.

"AAAAGGGHHHH!" He screamed. Unfortunately for him, it came out more like, "Squeeeeeek!" He ran around in circles, tripping over twigs and such.

* * *

Lionblaze looked down at himself in shock. He was... he was... he was a butterfly! He started flapping around in circles, but accidentally landed right next to the nursery. Too bad for him.

Suddenly, several kits tumbled out and looked at him. And kits like games. Like chasing butterflies. Oh dear.

Lionblaze was suddenly pounced on by one kit. Then, the kits proceeded to pounce on him, let him go, and pounce on him again for the rest of this chapter.

* * *

"Ew! Ew! Ew!" Ivypool said in a very un- Ivypool- like way.

"It's not that bad," Whisperpaw said. "In fact, they're actually quite nice."

"But it's gross!" Ivypool shuddered.

"Nah, you should try it some time. Honestly, live mice are better than dead ones."

"But the way their cold little feet must feel going down your throat... Bleagh!" (1) Ivytail shuddered again."

"Look, I'll prove it to you. C'mere." Whisperpaw grabbed Ivytail by the scruff of her neck and took off. Did I mention that Whisperpaw can fly without wings? Well, she can.

Flying around the territory, the pair landed near the creek.

"Ooh, look! A mouse!" Whisperpaw pointed with her paw towards the mouse stumbling around.

* * *

Jayfeather started panicking as soon as Whisperpaw and Ivypool touched down.

"Mouse dung mouse dung mouse dung mouse dung mouse dung!" He stumbled around, squeeking like a rubber chew toy in the grasp of a hyper puppy on caffeine. That's a lot of squeeking, believe me.

Suddenly, Whisperpaw pounced. Flinging Jayfeather up in the air, she opened her mouth wide. Jayfeather had just enough time to yell,

"STOP! I'm a medicine cat!" and windmill his paws around. However, he forgot two crucial facts.

A: Mice can't speak cat, and cats can't understand mouse.

B: Stopping a fall by waving your paws backwards only works in cartoons, and even Wile. E. Coyote can't always get it to work.

* * *

Whisperpaw opened her jaws wide, and caught the mouse in the back of her throat, and swallowed without chewing once, which was good for Jayfeather.

"Ew!" Ivypool slapped a paw over her eyes.

"C'mon, wanna find a mouse for you? It actually tastes better this way." Whisperpaw offered.

LPGD: Author's Note Time! Whisperpaw is Ivypool's friend, and is a full warrior. Both cats have recently become warriors, but, breaking tradition, Whisperpaw decided to keep the "paw" part of her name. Why? Because I can write that kind of stuff, that's why! )

"N- no, maybe later," Ivypool said.

"Don't be a mouse, try it! It's even better than catmint cookies!" Whisperpaw urged.

"Well, okay, just one mouse." With that, Whisperpaw grabbed Ivypool and took off.

* * *

Jayfeather squealed in terror as he slid down Whisperpaw's throat, and he couldn't breathe.

**England: I can make him be able to breathe.**

**LPGD: Don't worry, he can breathe when he gets to Whisperpaw's stomach. I can't have my main victim die on me, after all.**

**England: But black magic is so much fun! By the way, do you want a scone?**

**America: Don't do it, his cooking is terrible! Man, you should have one of my cheeseburgers.**

**Italy: Ve~ England's cooking is very bland. Even Germany's potatoes are better!**

**England: My cooking is not bland! What would you suggest he eats then?**

**Italy: PAAAASTAAAAAA!**

**LPGD: Actually you guys, I'm not that hungry...**

**China: All the territories will belong to China, no? You can all go home now.**

**Greece: I LOVE KITTIES! *gives Tigerstar a hug***

**LPGD: Germany, would you do the honors?**

**Germany: Ya, no problem. SHUT UP, YOU FOOLS!**

**LPGD: Thanks. I think I hear something...**

**Russia: VODKAAAAAAAA! *crashes through ceiling***

**China: The clans belong to me, you cannot have them!**

**Russia: Become one with Mother Russia, or I will crush you, no?**

**America: Everybody, back me up and I'll be the Hero!**

**Sealand: Ooh! Ooh! Can I join? *Everyone ignores him***

**Canada: *to Sealand* Don't worry, I know how you feel. Wanna pet my polar bear?**

**France: England, will you marry me?**

**England: NO. No more Yaoi, I told you! Otherwise I'll make you sit on this! *pulls out Busby's Chair***

**Everybody except for Russia and England: *gasps in shock***

**Russia: Ah, a chair. I will sit on it, my feet are weary. *sits on Busby's Chair***

**England: Russia, you fool! *Busby's Chair shatters***

**Death the Kid: *appears out of nowhere* AHH! Your hair is disgusting! *points at Italy***

**Italy: Ve~ What did I do?**

**Death the Kid: You disgust me, with your unsymmetrical hair... DIE! *pulls out two pistols and starts blasting***

**Italy: *waves white flag* I SURRENDER! PLEASE DON'T KILL MEEEEEE!**

**Japan: Italy is a wimp. Have some rice balls.**

**England: And you call MY food bland?!**

**LPGD: THAT'S ENOUGH! Everybody, back to Hetalia, NOW! And Kid, what have I told you about trying to kill people without my permission? Lord Death will hear about this, I assure you!**

**Everybody: *shuts up***

**LPGD: Everyone, back to Hetalia, except you Kid. You go back to Soul Eater right now.**

**Kid's right pistol: Heehee, Kid got in trou-ble!**

**Kid's left pistol: Shut it, Patty. I told you this was a dumb idea, Kid.**

**Death the Kid: Be quiet Liz, you're not helping anything.**

**LPGD: NOW!**

**Everybody: *Disappears***

**LPGD: So, back to Jayfeather...**

Jayfeather splashed into Whisperpaw's belly. He was very upset. He started swimming around, acting very un- Jayfeather like.

"Please get me out of this LPGD, PLEEEEASE! I'll be nice, and I'll give you my desserts for a month!"

**LPGD: You don't get desserts- cats don't like them, remember? And how old do you think I am, two?**

Jayfeather said, "But it's worse than mouse bile in here!"

**LPGD: That's kinda the point. This is what was suggested by the readers, or something like it anyway.**

* * *

Dovewing scrambled around in the leaves, looking for a place to hide. She knew what was coming, and knew her only chance was to hide until the end of this chapter. Unfortunately, I'm just not the kind of author to allow that. *scary grin*

* * *

Ivypool landed nearby and caught a mouse almost immediately. She pinned the frantically squeaking creature under her paws, and turned to Whisperpaw.

"So... I just swallow it?" She asked.

"Yep! Nothing to it!" Whisperpaw encouraged. She's just that kind of cat who always encourages others, even on occasions like this. Especially on occasions like this.

"Well... here it goes, then." Ivypool said, and hooked the mouse by the tail. Lifting the mouse, she tilted her head back, closed her eyes tightly, opened her mouth, and dropped the mouse in. With one gulp, it was gone.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Whisperpaw asked.

"No, actually, for some reason it tasted better than a regular mou..." Ivypool trailed off. "Dovewing's in trouble!" She ran towards the lake. "No wait! She's this way!" She turned and ran the opposite direction. "This way! That way! This way! That way! This way! That way! This..." with a loud BONK Ivypool tripped on a rock and flew into a tree. The painful, crashing kind of flew, not the Whisperpaw kind of flew.

"Ivypool, are you okay?" Whisperpaw asked worriedly. "Oh no! I bet is was the mouse!" She ran to the nearby yarrow plant. Yes, I'm that cheap of an author to put a coinidence like that in there. It's all I can think of right now, so deal with it.

Whisperpaw stuffed some yarrow in Ivypools' mouth, and a few moments later she spit out a quivering mouse. But when picking the yarrow, Whisperpaw had used her mouth, like all opposable thumbly disadvantaged creatures. She had accidentally swallowed some yarrow as well. She retched, and vomited out her mouse.

While the two cats lay gasping on the ground, LPGD rode his eagle far above. Yes, because I'm the author and this is my story, I can ride an eagle if I want to. Even a giant one.

"For Narnia!" LPGD yelled, and shot towards the ground. His eagle grabbed Dovewing and Jayfeather, one mouse in each talon, and took off again.

"Why are you screaming 'for Narnia'?" the eagle asked LPGD. "I'm from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, not the Chronicles of Narnia."

LPGD shrugged. "Because it sounds epically awesome, even more than Blackstar (from Soul Eater) and Prussia combined."

"Hey! I will surpass the gods one day!" Blackstar (from Soul Eater) shouted.

"Nothing is awesomer than ze awesome me! Isn't that right, Gilbert? Of course I'm right, I'm too awesome to be wrong!" Prussia yelled out.

"Shut up, both of you!" LPGD yelled. "And get back to your own series, and stop interfering with my fanfic!"

POOF went the assassin and the country. Then, LPGD opened up a portal in midair, and they all flew through it. When they landed, they were back in LPGD's study, but the eagle was gone. He went back to Lord of the Rings. LPGD landed on his feet, sat down in his chair, and put his feet on his desk as if nothing had happened. The two mice were back to cats, and were shivering on the floor.

**LPGD: *to readers* What? I couldn't just let my "assistants" die on me, could I? I've still got more chapters to write! *to Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Dovewing* What are you doing over there?**

**Jayfeather: *crying in emo corner***

**Dovewing: *shaking uncontrollably.***

**Lionblaze: no... no... no... no... no...**

**LPGD: Eh, they'll be fine next chapter. I hope.**

**Unknown voice from outside: Open Up! This is the Fanfiction Character's Protection Union!**

**LPGD: what do you want?**

**Union officer: We want to talk to you about this fanfiction. Drop the pen and come out with your hands up!**

**To be continued...**

_So... CLIFFHANGER! Anyway, sorry for not updating in a while, I'm juggling a lot right now in real life. I'll try to update when I can._

_I want to hold a "Question Session" where you can ask any cat in the Warriors series any (T- rated or under) question, and they have to answer. Whisperpaw will be fair game to ask. Will you readers please send in some questions?_

_Thanks to Moonbeam141 for Whisperpaw, and to Dance With Mustaches for the plot idea. Although I'm not sure Dance with Mustaches intended this fanfic to go quite the way it did, keep those reviews coming everyone!_

_And yes, I know this chapter is messed up. Oops. Anywho, I promise the next chapter will be just fine, kay?_

_Again, send in reviews with suggestions with questions for the cats to answer please. Thanks. Bye for now! _

_-LPGD_


	6. Trials and Dancing

_I know, I haven't updated in awhile. I'm sorry! *dodges flying crowfood* Hey! Stop throwing that! That hurts! Ow! Stop it! Stop... To the story! *retreats to desk*_

**LPGD: Hi all! Where we last left our brave hero, he-**

**Union Officer 1: Wrong fanfic, man. In fact, WRONG FRICKIN GENRE! This is a crack fic, not an anime episode. I've seen your profile, you don't even have any fanfics with that intro in it! So shut up!**

**Union Officer 2: Calm down, rookie. But he does have a point LPGD, what the heck are you talking about?**

**LPGD: Ermmm... I OWN NOTHING!**

**Union Officer 1: Wait... a disclaimer? ALL RIGHT, MR. "I'VE GOT A HIDDEN PEN SOMEWHERE," WHERE IS IT?**

**LPGD: *innocently* What pen?**

**Jayfeather: The one hidden in your shoe. *smirks as Union Officers pat down LPGD***

**Union Officer 2: AHA! Found it!**

**LPGD: *shoots dirty look at Jayfeather* Jerk.**

* * *

**Judge: ... Excessive cannibalism, excessive randomness, vague disclaimers, inconsistency in details, mockery of a large- fanbase series...**

**LPGD: Ummm... English please?**

**Judge: *sigh* This court finds you guilty of writing a stupid, plotless, annoying, crackfic.**

**LPGD: In my defense, I did label it a crackfic in the summary.**

**Judge: Still, it's a waste of archive space. Can you prove that this fanfic has worth?**

**LPGD: Yes. *calls Jayfeather to the stand* Does this fanfic have worth?**

**Jayfeather: Nope. Go die in a hole.**

**LPGD: Get out of here! *calls Hollyleaf to the stand* Does this fanfic have worth?**

**Hollyleaf: It mocks the warrior code! You are a disgrace!**

**LPGD: Ummm... Lionblaze! Get up here! Does this fanfic have worth?**

**Lionblaze: About as much as Purdy's stories do.**

**Judge: Clarify please.**

**Lionblaze: He sucks.**

**LPGD: *chews lip nervously* Will Slenderman please come to the stand?**

**Slenderman: *stares at and then eats the jury***

**Judge: Grrrrr... I'm fed up with this circus, LPGD. This court hereby orders a cease and desi...**

**LPGD: But I've got good reviews!**

**Judge: LA LA LA, I'M NOT LISTENING!**

**LPGD: *pulls out a second pen* Nobody move!**

**Everybody: *freezes***

**Union Officer 1: *whisper* where did he get that pen?**

**Union Officer 2: *whisper* No clue. *sighs* Somehow this always happens whenever we try to put an author on trial.**

**LPGD: Shut up, you two! *erases Union Officers with Eraser of Awesomeness***

**Union Officers: *fade away***

**LPGD: This is LPGD, out! See ya later, suckers!**

**Stampede of gerbils: *break through wall and carry LPGD away***

**Killer bunny: *uses fluff tactics to incapacitate Judge***

**Judge: Awwwwwwww, so cuuuuuuuuuute! *squeals in happiness and explodes***

**Jayfeather: What in starcla... *gets trampled by gerbil stampede***

**Dovewing: *goes poof and disappears***

**Lionblaze: *gets into fight with Slendy***

_Author's Note: Because both Slenderman and Lionblaze are supposedly unbeatable, right?_

**Slenderman: *wins***

**LPGD: Never mind, maybe Lionblaze wasn't as invincible as I thought. Hmmm... at least the jury will keep him company! Following in Jayfeather's footsteps, I guess. *escapes on gerbil stampede***

* * *

A/N: Time skiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiip!

**LPGD: Good to be back. *gazes around study* Time to get back to work!**

**Jayfeather: *cries in emo corner* Why... don't... you... go.. away... *sobs***

**LPGD: Oh... crap.**

**Jayfeather: *curls in ball and rocks back and forth while crying***

**LPGD: You're not having a mental breakdown, are you?**

**Jayfeather: Go away... go away... go away...**

**LPGD: *to readers* Yep. Looks like our favorite cat just snapped. Hmmm... I know! I'll focus on the clan leaders today instead! *starts writing***

* * *

The clan leaders were all sitting on the branches of the Great Tree on the Island, and were, of course, arguing. The rest of the Gathering looked egged on their leaders.

"My clan is best!" Blackstar announced.

"Mousedung! Thunderclan is better, bcause I am their leader and I am better than you all, so HA!" Firestar shouted.

"Windclan can destroy you all!" Onestar screeched.

"Hold on, I know how we can settle this once and for all!" Mistystar announced. All the cats looked at her. "We, the clan leaders, shall have a dance- off! Whichever clan's leader wins is obviously the best clan." No cat could find fault in her plan. Except Yellowfang, but she doesn't count because she's dead.

"Mousebrains!" Yellowfang hissed. "This is a stupider idea than introducing Cloudtail to flashbang grenades!" She looked at Bluestar. "I still don't forgive you for that!"

"Ah, shut up." Bluestar impatiently flicked a flashbang grenade at Yellowfang, and the resulting explosion of light and sound shocked them back to Starclan. Not that Bluestar minded, as long as it made Yellowfang shut her annoying mouth for a few minutes.

Meanwhile, the clan leaders were facing off in the top branches of the Great Tree. Cloudtail started the competition with his starter's pistol, which he conviently forgot was loaded with live ammo instead of blanks, and hit a bucket with a piece of steel in it, which tipped over, and the steel struck a piece of flint on the ground, and the sparks landed on the fuse of a roman candle Cloudtail had smuggled in, and the sparks from that landed on the whole stack of boxes of aerial rockets he had also smuggled in, and... you get the idea. Boom. A very big Boom. In fact, a Boom which was so big it deserves it's own paragraph. So here it is.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOM! BAM! BAM! WHIZ! HISS! RATATAT! KAPOW! PSSSHHH! POW POW POW! KABLOOEY! BANG! BANG! BOOM!

Amid the sparks and explosions and strangely, glitter, the clan leaders began to dance. Firestar got up on his hind legs,crossed his front paws, and started Gangnam Styling around the whole island.

Mistystar got up and started doing the Harlem Shake. Basically, she acted like she was having a full on seizure. She started waving her paws around, accidentally slapping Blackstar across the face. He wasn't happy.

"Why you... take this!" Blackstar began doing the Moonwalk backwards across a branch. "Ha! I am so much better than y-" He never finished his sentence. With a crack, the branch he was on broke underneath him, and he dropped into the water.

"Fool!" Onestar laughed. You call that dancing? This is skill!" He started spinning on his head, break dancing like a rapping dancer on fifteen too many extra caffeinated frappuccinos. Suddenly, he lost his balance and fell off the branch. Then, he spun like a top on the ground until he fell over, unconscious.

In the meantime, Firestar started to fly, because, like I said in Chapter 2 (Or was it Chapter 3? I'm too lazy to check). Gangnam style is just that awesome. But, he was body slammed by Nyan Cat, who apparently has as many lives as there are pop tarts in the world. He fell on Mistystar's head, and she got a concussion and started flailing about even more than she already was until she passed out from having a real seizure.

So, lets take a look back at this scene, shall we? Firestar is crying because he lost the power to fly, Mistystar is unconscious, Blackstar is still Moonwalking on the shoreline, and Onestar is in a temporary coma. Oh, and Spottedleaf gave Cloudtail access to a United States Federal Arsenal, just to piss Yellowfang off. Oh dear.

Now you see, Cloudtail is a pyromaniac. And now he is a pyromaniac with access to artillery shells, RPGs, and napalm. Yeah... maybe not the best decision I ever made, writing that part, but it's too late now!

* * *

_In Chapter 5, you know that little "(1)" I put next tp Ivypool complaining how a live mouse would taste going down her throat? Well, that was an exact quote from Calvin and Hobbes. Congrats to those of you who recognized it, go read Calvin and Hobbes if you didn't recognize it. :)_

**_THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! Please read and review! I have three things to ask of you-_**

**_1.) Tell me what you want in coming chapters_**

**_2.) Tell me what you want Cloudtail to blow up with his newfound "toys."_**

**_3.) And, send in some questions to ask Jayfeather when he recovers. T rated questions and under only, please!_**

_Thanks for reading! Read, and especially, review, (with suggestions), and I'll try to update soon! And try to keep the crowfood throwing to a minimum.. Ow! I thought I told you to stop throwing that! Hey! Ouch! Okay, okay, never mind, I guess you can throw a little crowfood, just stop throwing so mu... AGGHHH! I didn't say dead deer! No throwing dead... *splat*_

_****__-LPGD_


End file.
